I Suck At Relationships

 
I just wrote a post, so I'll try to keep this one brief.
Day before yesterday, Q and I went to her parents' place to pick strawberries. Afterwards, we sat on their back porch and talked about our relationship and the problems concerning it.

I am happy to inform y'all that we worked everything out. We agreed to try to get this relationship work, because we know we can.

Don't believe a word of what you read in the last paragraph, it was all a lie. In truth, she took care of most of the talking business, while I focused on the listening part. It turns out, she does not love me like she thinks she should if we are to have a romantic relationship. However, she hopes we could still be friends, since she still does love me as a friend, and values me highly, and... you know the drill.

I can't help but feel like that's a bit selfish. "Hey, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. But you could still give me what I want! That's better than nothing, right?"

Sorry if I sound bitter. No, wait, no I'm not. Right now my life holds no meaning and I have no real reason to continue it. However, and I know this may become as a disappointment to some people, I am not going to "do something" to myself.

That's all I got right now. Well, that, and slowly growing feeling, that I will never get into another relationship. Them ending hurts too bad.

Complaining About Stuff I Don't Like

I have been neglecting this blog, I feel. Sorry about that, I just haven't been feeling the inspiration. ("It's not like anyone really reads this or cares about it", y'know, that kind of stuff.) There has been some stuff I could've written about, but I'm worried that if I write while I'm uninterested, I come across as uninteresting.

So, yeah. Today's post is going to follow the general direction this blog has taken: I am going to complain about the stuff I don't like. There are a few items that I've recently been annoyed at, listed in no particular order.

First off, mothers cycling with their kids. I carefully worded that sentence, in order to give you a wrong impression. Y'see, I have nothing against families, and it is great to see parents spending time with their kids. However, I got a new summer job. It's a half-an-hour bicycle ride away from my apartment. Today, when I came "home" from work, I passed two mothers cycling with their kids. (That's two separate occasions, in case you're wondering.) They all handled their bikes alright, and did not pose me any unnecessary hardships. The kids were even wearing helmets!

You see, where I'm going, don't you? The point is, that the kids were wearing the helmets. Their parents had bought them them (not a typo), and their mother had most likely (in a loving, motherly fashion ["... or else."]) reminded them to put them on. So where, oh, where, were the mothers' helmets! You've got kids, lady. What are you trying to teach them? "You need to use the helmets. I don't, because I'm an adult, and adults don't get into accidents"?

If you see yours looking like this, it saved your life.

I was going to make a finely crafted segue here, but I got carried away, so I missed the opportunity. However, in an earlier paragraph, I mentioned having a new summer job. I am a clerk at a groceries shop. I don't like it. Y'see, just the other day, I was filling shelves, when a customer bumped me a bit in order to reach the spaghetti. I, of course, moved in order to not be in the way. This lead into a shocking realization: My work is worth less to the company than a 1€ package of spaghetti. Y'see, of course there needs to be someone filling the shelves. But if it wasn't me, it would be Kassu, Hellu, Jakke, Robba, or any other of my coworkers with five-letter nickname. Or a trained chimpanzee. And the end result would be no different.

This is what ruined working at a grocery store for me. Avoid it.

Third, and so far the last item is relationship problems. A faithful reader may have noticed my blog post a while ago about breaking up with (well, being dumped by) my girlfriend? Well, I picked myself up (I was helped in doing so) and, would you look at that, just happened to get in a new relationship! (Don't judge me! There are a precious few things in this world I take seriously, and relationships is one of them. So it's not a rebound or whatever you want to call it.) I love her, and it's great. Or used to be.

I've wanted to use this picture from the moment I saw it.

 To save y'all from boring details, turns out she has some stuff she has to sort out before she can truly commit to this relationship. And she needs time to do so.
And I'm trying to give her the time. I want to give her the time. But there is no guarantee that after she does work it out, she even wants this relationship. And this waiting and uncertainty is just tearing me apart inside.
 And that sucks.

Top Ten Things I Dislike

This one has been brewing for a while now. So, anyone who knows anything about me, knows I like lists. Lately, I have been watching That Guy With The Glasses, and there are a lot of highly entertaining top 10- (or, in case of Nostalgia Critic, top 11-) lists. In a similar vein, counting down from ten, this is the top ten list of things I don't like!

10. Potatoes

Yeah, yeah, I know. Just stay with me, ok?
I grew up eating potatoes. In my early childhood, before I started school, my mother was at home, and made us two warm meals a day. Thank you for that, mom! However, any given day, at least one of those meals would include boiled potatoes. I think that when I was a small kid, we were not too well off. We weren't poor, that much is certain (we did get three meals a day) but I do think there has been some penny-pinching going on. Around here, potatoes are the cheapest food you can find in a shop. It is further emphasised by the empirical studies suggesting that a person habitually eats more rice or pasta than potatoes, given a choice.

So, there is a reason I have eaten so many potatoes during my short life. Even so, it has lead to the situation where I don't voluntarily eat a potato if it is avoidable. Mashed potatoes, french fries and chips are somewhat exceptions, in that they do not wake such disgust boiled potatoes do.

That's right, you disgust me.

9. Everyday chores

Don't worry, this one does not stem from my sad and pathetic childhood. You see, I moved away from home in the beginning of January 2012, and moved in with two jackasses I thought were decent people. So, we being three single young males, our housekeeping was less than exemplary. So, one day in February, when I was doing two weeks worth of laundry, a sudden, enlightening thought popped into my head: Save an unlikely scenario where I'm wealthy enough to hire a servant for the job, I will be doing laundry for the rest of my life! This thought has since then escalated somewhat. It has led to a situation where I at times have terrifying moments of clarity, in which I can feel every second I spend doing mundane, everyday tasks. Those seconds, of which I will more likely than not have precious few of, are lost forever! I usually try to avoid following that train of thought, because it is likely to lead into a realization, that however hard I try, I will be spending my life in mediocrity. And fatalism doesn't suit me.

You know what I'm talking about, don't you?

8. Posers

You knew this one was coming, didn't you?
You see, I really do believe that apart from a few jackasses world would be better place to live without, people be awesome! And it seems to me, that most of these awesome, fan-TASTIC people spend their lives pretending to be someone else. And I simply can't wrap my head around it. Why are you doing it? Stop it, it makes my brain hurt!

And that job is already taken.

7. Overly serious people

Back to the memory lane! I have a brother I call Manta Ray.

What up, Bubba!

I love him like the brother he is. You see, the great thing about siblings is, that once you have spent the whole time you've been growing up fighting with someone, you can count on them to always have your back.
Anyway, when we were growing up, my brother was a bit... unstable. Nothing major, it was just that you could never be sure of what mood he was in. One day, we could have great fun harassing the living hell out of each other, the next he would fly into homicidal rage for one well-aimed snowball to the back of the head. He's got a lot better since then, especially recently, thanks to his gf. Mannu, by the off chance you end up reading this, you should know you are the best thing that has ever happened to him.

So anyway, I think that is where my deep, profound dislike for people who can't take a joke stems from. Of course, it could also be the fact I like to crack jokes just about anything, but where's the wacky fun psychological trauma in that explanation? Nowhere, I tell you!

6. My father

Again, if you know anything about me, you probably know already I don't get along with my father. I don't think it's necessarily my fault. I have tried. Oh my word, how I have tried. Many of the attributes of the lovable mess of issues that is me can be more or less directly pinpointed to my old man.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him. I have tried, but for some reason... I just can't. For all his failings, he's still my father, and even if I would gather all the dislike I have accumulated for him over the years, I just can't bring myself to hate him. Some days, I don't even want to. Then I get in touch with him, and suddenly I would just love to hate him. From what I'm picking up, he's having similar difficulties. Who knows, maybe we one day sit down and discuss it like grown-ups. Slim chance, but one can always hope.

Y'know, Drake, I haven't given you much credit, but I think you may be onto something here.

I know what you're thinking: "But Reno, man, your old man played a major part in you being born. Surely someone responsible for existence of such a stellar example of humanity can't be that bad?" And you know, you may be right. Which brings us to the next item on the list.

5. Myself

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I don't like me. I'm not sure how much of myself I am willing to explain to the Internets, but trust me when I tell you I have reasons for it. If you've met me in real life, you may have heard me launch into one of my "It's hard to be modest when you're this damn good!"-rants. If you know me well, you've heard this already, but... It's an act. It has always been an act.

Story time! I'm twenty-three years old. One of the precious few things I take seriously is romantic relationships. Combined with my less-than-average looks and upbringing in a religious society that considers romantic relationships outside said society a sin, this has led into me having had two girlfriends to date. From what I understand, that's not much. Well, I screwed up with the first one, and she broke up with me. I would explain in more detail, but I would have to explain stuff about her I have no right to tell. Sorry.

The catch here is, I have never forgiven myself screwing it up. And in the theme, when I started courting my second girlfriend, I told her about the first one, in as little detail as I could. According to her, this was one of the contributing factors behind her breaking up with me. So, in a gross oversimplification, I could say I screwed up my second relationship by screwing up the first one. And you know what? I think I deserved it.

A-hem and back to the subject. This item was originally way higher on the list, but I had to take it down a couple of notches. You see, I made a terrifying, groundbreaking discovery just this week. All those "I be awesome"-speeches I have been making? I am starting to believe them!

My full name is Reno Insecure Hex, but my handwriting is so big I couldn't fit all of it there.

4. Money

 That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I don't like money! Don't look me like that, twenty-euro-bill,you know I only told you I did because I wanted to get you into my wallet. The idea of money, and the fact that it's so freaking all-important, I can't stand. Sure, the concept of money does simplify things. I just absolutely loathe having to think of money. One of my dreams is having it, in fact. Having enough of it, so that I would not have to spend my precious time and energy of thinking of it. Do I have it, how much of it do I have, do I need more of it, can I have some more of it somehow... and so on.

I hate you.

3. Ignorant people

Another shocker coming up: I don't know everything about everything. I don't even know something about everything. And it's okay, if you don't, either. What's not okay, however, is the attitude certain people I know have. The attitude brings me to the verge of angrily verbally lashing out at them. It can be summarized in a sentence: "What do I need that knowledge for?"

(Let's add an extra section break here. Makes it easier for dem eyes.) As you may know, I like knowing things, because most things are worth knowing. (It's also useful to know stuff, but that's not as important.) If you don't want to find out, learn and know stuff, you're abusing the vast learning abilities you got when you were born as a human being. I could go on at length about these people, but I have already written a whole post about them, so go read (reread, I hope) it if you want to know more about the subject.

2. Bigots

I think I'll explain what I mean by a bigot before I fire off. A bigot is an intolerant person, who's dedicated to a cause and fails (or doesn't even try to) understand the viewpoints of opposing party. Talking with a bigot leaves one a powerless tearing-my-hair-out feeling of "Gahhh, how stubborn/stupid can a human being be!"

In case you still don't know, I grew up in a very religious environment. You'd think that's an ideal soil for bigotry, and the fact is I did met quite a few religious bigots. However, since I broke away from the "sect" I have met quite a few anti-religious bigots, which has been quite a shocker. Y'see, while religious bigots are intolerant, obnoxious, irritating and bad listeners, at least they stand up for something they believe in. These anti-religious people possess the very same qualities that make their religious counterparts so incredibly annoying, but they seem to have dedicated themselves to a cause of solely bashing something, aka they are against the something others believe in. Which makes them even more annoying.

1. Feeling miserable 

It's not this bad. But it has been.

This summer has more or less, well, sucked. My awesome summer job turned up to be squat, as a result I've been out of money, and I got dumped after a month or so of cold shoulder treatment. The things are looking up right now (in fact I actually am happy most of the time, which is way more than you can usually say about me), but I'd say I have had reasons to feel miserable.

However (gee, I wonder how much I actually use that word? Interesting.), it got old a long time ago. (Mind you, with my attention span, two days is a long time.) I was actually quite desperate for something to cheer me up and stop me feeling so freaking miserable all the time. Faking it worked to an extent, sure. Y'see, the key to any successful lie is that when you're telling it, you make it real to yourself. Believe in it, so to say. I don't recommend keeping it up, by the way! You tell enough good lies and you may actually start forgetting which part is true.

However, lying to myself was a)pointless and b)too difficult, so I started feeling miserable every time I was alone. It resulted to me starting to dislike the company of a person I care the most of!

You're right, Drake. You know, this guy's definitely smarter than I give him credit for.

So, yeah. The top item in my top then things I dislike -list: Feeling miserable.

Thank you for getting this far, hope you enjoyed it!