Not strong enough

It's the last week of school before holiday season, and let me tell you, if I make it through the week without punching someone or crying publicly, it's going to be a good week. Here's the brief runthrough:

On Monday, at approximately 4am, I finally got my Accounting assignment done. It was horrible. It still fails a lot, but at least I think I'll pass the course. And I can actually explain most of the numbers, which apparently is a requirement. So I got a solid four hours of sleep before getting up and going to school. We had a self and peer assessment session for the project I'm project manager of. It was quite cathartic to actually officially report forward my opinions of certain peers' participation (or lack thereof). Later on, we also had a more general feedback session.

So yeah, not much going on so far, except for running a bit low on sleep. However, I also had a deadline of a summary. Approximately 15 pages summarized, in two pages max. I also would need to add my notes from a meeting I didn't attend. And despite all this, I decided to take the work shift offered. The shift ended at 23.15.

I think I may have used this pic before, but it just... fits.

So, today I woke up at 7am and got to school. We had Amadeus program exam, and it was the most tear-worthy exam I've ever attended. The only good thing about it is that it's over now. With a bit of luck, I may have even passed and won't have to retake it after Christmas break. Next up, we have Spanish. I'm supposed to give a five-minute speech I have not prepared for. That's not the bad part. The bad part is that if I would list every word of Spanish I know, it would 't take me five minutes. (Yeah, I'm quitting Spanish.)

Tomorrow, we'll have what will most likely be the second-most tear-worthy exam I've ever attended. See, our Global Business Opportunities teacher is kind of peculiar in that he has a habit of actually demanding us to be able to think for ourselves. And it shows in the kind of work he expects from us. So, it will be tough. We would also have Spanish exam, but... yeah, not attending.

Wednesday night we will most probably be celebrating the End of the World As We Know It, because it's 12/12/12 and it's Wednesday.

And, on Thursday, we have another exam by the same guy we have tomorrow. This time it's Business English, which usually is not of big difficulty for me. However, seeing as I'm getting seriously sleep deprived, and increasingly frustrated, it may turn out to pose some considerable challenge. Plus, it's most likely going to be a handwritten exam, which means problems. See, I'm lefthanded, and that means I have to hold my wrist up when I write in order to not wipe off whatever I wrote. This means that my hand tires extremely fast, and it doesn't do any favors to readability, either.

And, on Friday, we have an exam based on the assignment I finished on Monday. About half of the class isn't even done yet, and I'm at the top half of the class anyway. However, everyone is stressing over it, and it's kind of rubbing off on me.

So, yeah. I may be making another blog post once this week is over and I can focus on something else besides how much everything sucks.

Top Ten List of Stuff I'm Scared of

Hello, children of all ages! The month is drawing to a close, and it's time for my newest blog post. The pace seems to be settling into monthly one. I don't feel like making a "life" post like the last one, however, I need to mention a couple of things about my life as it is currently.

It's hectic, that's for one. There are two resources I'm sorely lacking: Time and money. It provides a wonderful base for negative thinking... which may be one of the motivations behind this post. The other thing is, that right after I mention BB in my blog, I ended up talking with her in a party. I haven't seen her in a while. It was great! I once dated the girl, and it was great to see that the woman she's grown into has managed to keep some of her attractive qualities. BB, in case you somehow stumble upon this blog, I tip my hat at you. You'll turn out alright, I can tell.

Yeah, so much for the pleasantries. Now, get ready to the dark journey to the unpleasant corners of my mind, AKA the top 10 list of stuff I'm scared of!

10. Creepy Crawlies

I originally labeled this item as "insects", but had to change it after careful consideration.  You see, there is a specific definition of what constitutes as an insect, and for instance spiders are excluded. And spiders are the worst.

Interestingly, mosquitoes don't apply. They're merely annoying.

People who know me in the so-called real life may have witnessed me killing an insect, or a spider, with extreme prejudice. If confronted about it, I may have explained that I want to kill them off as quickly as I can, to keep them from suffering. The truth, however, is that I'm terrified, and if I don't succeed at killing them immediately, I might freak out. And that may lead into...

9. Being Laughed At
"But Reno", you may say, "you make jokes about yourself all the time!" Yes, I know, I reply. You see, as long as I can make people laugh at my jokes, they are laughing with me, not at me. I'd guess this is a remnant of being bullied a lot and all that, because I don't feel like blaming everything on my father. But yeah, insecure -> doesn't like being laughed at. And as I have mentioned before,

8. Phone Calls to Strangers
This is apparently a very common, relatable fear. But allow me to explain a bit, anyhow. You see, I don't like to be surprised. Which is why I try to play conversations and scenarios in my head before they happen. But when you're calling someone you don't know, it's very difficult to estimate what they might say. (It's actually more difficult than when talking face to face, for some reason.) Working as a telemarketer did wonders on this, to the extent that when I realize I will have to call a stranger, I am not completely overwhelmed by debilitating fear. But it's still pretty bad.

7. Death
This is a tricky one to explain. You see, I am not afraid of dying, per se. Mostly I'm afraid of running out of time, before I have time to do everything I want to. Every thing. This fear is maybe my most stupid one, because some of the stuff I want to do is physically impossible for me. (Such as reliving childhood, as someone else, but with my current memories intact.)

And it really eats away on me.

6. Loneliness
I was hanging around with the exchange students (oh, I love me some exchange students!) when I had an epiphany. And seeing as I'm all brilliant and stuff, and everything I realize is so freaking important, I spouted it out. "I actually like most of the people." Now, I value my alone time, and I like to keep my distance (that's one of the reasons why exchangies are so great: Once they've been here for the half a year, they go back to where they came from and you may never see them again. No risk for too deep emotional connection. Essentially, single-use friends.) But I don't want to be left alone.

This wasn't the picture I was looking for. But it gives me a funny feeling.

5. Boredom
This may be somehow connected to the previous one. However, I don't actually mean the "Hmmm... nothing to do... "

That's Willow. When she uses that phrase... People get hurt.

kind of feeling. What I mean is waking up, ten years from now, and realizing my whole life is boring and eventless. And that it may by then be too late to fix it. I actually mentioned something about this in an earlier post.

4. Psychologists
Oh, yeah. If fear of death is my stupidest fear, this is by far the weirdest. You see, first off, it applies to all specialists of mental health: psychologists, psychiatrists, psycho the rapists, you name it! Secondly, I have no idea whatsoever as to why. And I know what they do. I have recommended a therapist to a friend more than once. Because I believe in therapists. It's just that when someone tries to suggest me the same, I plunge headfirst into an ocean of "do not WANT!". And, I'd really like to know why this is, but to do so, I should probably go see a mental health professional.

3. Falling

Today is not a good day. I know this, because I considered putting a picture of a view down from a tall building, and now I can't shake that image off. See, acrophobia is my only actual phobia (as far as I know).
The funny thing about it, by the way, is that I am (usually) not really afraid of heights. It's just that I get this feeling that I will fall. And the falling is the part that terrifies me. Some wisecracker would probably point out here that it should be the "hitting the ground part". Well, no. You're wrong. I'm pretty sure it's the falling part.

Happy thoughts! (They are baby platypuses, in case you didn't recognize.)

2. Failure
Heh. If I've ever seen you failing at something, and taking it too seriously, you have probably received some variation of my "It's okay to fail, no-one can be good at everything" speech. Well, here's a funny thing. I don't feel like it applies to me. Whatever I do, it should be... if not absolute best, at least better than someone (or, preferably) everyone else's. And I am fully aware it's impossible to be the best at everything, thank you. I just can't feel that way. And the best part? It doesn't even make me give my 100% at everything! If anything, it makes me give up earlier than I should, "because it's not going to be good anyway".
And yeah, in case you're wondering, this one I am pinpointing on my father. Thanks a lot, daddy.

I could have just posted this picture and got it over with. But no, I just had to try to explain it on my own words.

And now it is time, if you think you're ready, to talk about my number one fear. Here we go!

1. Losing My Mind

This may take some explaining. In case you didn't already know, I'm one sharp cookie. It's the quality I'm most proud of, too. But, every now and then, especially when I'm tired, I may

• Completely forget about some things (and I mean completely)
• Lose track of conversation because I can't focus
• Forget what I was saying in the middle of a sentence or
• Let out a string of meaningless syllables without realizing it myself

And, the more it happens, the more I become assured that there is something misfiring in my brain. And that it is only a matter of time before it fails me completely, in one way (drooling idiot) or other (omnicidal maniac).

So, yeah, there we have it. My number one fear, towering over falling, failures, loneliness and even death. The usual wishes here, hope you enjoyed, leave a comment, next post coming some time next month.
Hex, out.

Forced Blogging

Hoo, boy. It's been over a month since my last update. How time flies, and so on.

Yeah, if you hadn't guessed, I have been keeping busy, what with neglecting the schoolwork and all, I'm sure you know the drill by now. But, certain people have been slightly pressuring me to post (if you recognize yourself, feel free to feel a sting in your dark heart). So, here's a little update on me life, with a bit of rant included.

First off, exes. In case you somehow didn't know, I got three of 'em. One (Lily) is my classmate and tries her best not to acknowledge my existence. Other (I call her BB) is so far in my past I barely even remember us. And the third one (Q) is my best friend.

Yeah, about the first (well, chronologically second, but does it really matter?) one. When this semester started, we had a brief chat about how we are both quite awesome individuals and we want to stay pals. Well, guess what? So far, that was the last time we've talked, as far as I can remember. Although I do have my own theories of the causes, her complete and utter lack of acknowledgement makes me feel bad.

Don't get me wrong, I don't miss her. Actually, let me rephrase that.  I don't miss our relationship. I do, however, kinda miss the times before that. We shared a number of laughs, and out of all of my classmates, she was the one I felt most connected with.

About the second... She's history, our history is history, all that. However, she's coming to our school next January. Although she's in a different degree program, and it is highly unlikely that we'll have anything to do with each other, being aware that I'll be seeing her around every now and then kinda makes me feel funny in my tummy. There's a reason for that, though. Y'see, I rarely really open my heart to anyone. (If you think you know me just because you read my blog, keep dreaming.)

It also applies to blogging.

 But when I let someone in, they're in for life! (My life, not theirs.)

And the third. Oh, my, where should I begin? With a clarification, I guess. For anyone doubting, I'm over her. What pisses me off, is that apparently there are certain people who don't believe it. And these people can't keep their mouths shut, but make sure they voice their opinions to Q. For instance, her female best friend A, and their mutual friend F. (Do you see what I did there?)

What's the problem with it, you ask? Well, y'see, Q is what you might call malleable. And if many enough people tell her that I possibly can't have gotten over her this easy, and still be in such good terms with her, and yadda yadda, she might start believing it. And there is no chance it won't affect our relationship. Which is in equal parts terrifying and pissing me off.

Secondly, I feel like I'm bi-polar. (I'm actually bi- many things! Lingual, for instance.) Why? Well, because I feel like I've been running on a turbo-drive for a while, and now I'm slowly but surely going to crash and burn. (AKA heading towards the depressive phase.) Don't worry, dear readers! I'm taking a healthy and adult stance on it!

Rayne Summers, the psychopathic manchild to end all psychopatic manchildren.

Well, what were you expecting? I can't afford to break down. I got a school to go to, a job to do, jokes to crack... y'know, life to live.

Thirdly, I had an insect dream last night. (You know, the one where there are insects crawling all over you?) It creeped me out good, and I slept maybe four hours during the whole night. After waking up, I tiptoed (because the floor felt like there were insects there) to bathroom and took a fifteen-minute searing hot shower. My skin no longer feels like it's crawling.

The funny thing is that last time I had dreams like that was after my nose job, when I was quitting painkillers again. Except this time it can't be withdrawal, since I have barely been eating the medicine I'm supposed to, much less ones I'm not.

Fourthly, Q's little sister, QT, asked for a shout-out. Here's for you, kid! You're a great person and I wish you the best of luck in Oulu!

More coming sometime next month. Stay tuned!

About Cheating

Hi guys!
Yes, I'm still here. No need to be that surprised.

So, yeah. This is going to be more or less the first post that actually fulfills the original intent of this whole blog. Y'see, this rant has nothing to do with my life per se, it's just something that annoys me and I want to rant about it.

Well, except for that.

The topic, as you may have noticed, is cheaters. I know I'm kinda on a high horse here, but I tend to think that that kind of behavior is simply inexcusable. Which is why I want to address few of the most common excuses used by cheaters, after they get caught or confess.

This one doesn't need a caption.

Please note that while the examples I use are mostly about sex, most of these apply to other forms of cheating as well.

Yes, for some people it constitutes as cheating.

"I was lonely."
This one pops up when the cheating has took place while either the significant other or the cheater has been on a trip, or the relationship is long-distance.
Well, guess what, grasshopper: If the SO was worth the loneliness, they were quite lonely, too. However, only one of you decided to suck it up and suffer, while the other found it easier to seek some extramarital activities. Guess which one of you sucks?

"It was just sex."
Oh, boy. Other way to phrase this one is "she [or he] doesn't mean anything to me."
So, if they didn't, then why did you decide to get intimate with them? I mean, the issue isn't whether or not your partner-in-crime means anything, it is whether your relationship and your SO do. And, quite frankly, if you decide to get some meaningless sex just because, the answer seems to be "no, they don't".

"It was with a girl, so it doesn't count."
According to the internets, this one is disturbingly common. There is a certain breed of women that seem to be under impression that cheating (on a guy) with a girl somehow makes it acceptable. What's worse, there seems to be a breed of guys that actually agree with this twisted logic, on the grounds of "Girl On Girl Is Hot". In case you're wondering, no, it does not in some magical way make it acceptable.

"It just happened."
This is my personal favorite. You see, I don't think sex is something that "just happens". Or, more specifically, if sex "just happened", chances are you have been raped. Contact the police.
No, seriously. Sex is something that happens between people. And both parties need to make a decision for it to happen consensually.

"Our relationship is at its end anyway." 
This one is a bit rarer than the previous ones. It's also a bit more fair, since if one of the parties does cheat, it more often than not does signal the end of the relationship. However... the pathetic waste of space that tries to use this excuse, why couldn't you have, i'unno, broken up the relationship before starting to screw around (literally).

Bottom line is that there just are no situations where cheating is excusable.

Even if you have something in common.

Yeah, thank you for letting me get that off my chest. As always, if you have something to say about the subject, please tell me so in the comment section. (You never do.)

Commissioned

Hi guys, long time no see. Long time in the ocean. And so on.

Guess what? Things are looking up!

Yeah, I have been on an impromptu hiatus for a while. You may or may not have noticed. After the events described in my latest post, I kind of lost my will to write (or live :P). However, I was reminded I have readers, and thus, I have obligations toward them. See, what happened was that me and Q (she's my latest ex) parted ways completely for a while. Then reconciled a bit, and are nowadays friends again. So far it's working better than expected, frankly. Yesterday, she was at my place, and told me she checks my blog every now and then, and she's hurt every time she sees my latest post. Now, being the incredibly fantastic example of humanity that I am, I simply couldn't let this travesty go on. So back in the saddle I get.

The cheeky smiley in the above paragraph will most likely be the only smiley ever seen in this blog. Enjoy.

So... what else is new? Let's see. School started again. I met with Lily (my penultimate ex) for the first time since we broke up. We talked a bit and agreed we'll try to be friends. However, after the conversation, I have only seen fleeting glimpses of her. Most likely it has been accidental, but I have got a vibe that she's avoiding me. It is a great big shame. She's a great person, and the time when we were friends, as well as majority of our relationship, was great time. I know this gives the wrong idea to y'all, but I miss her being in my life.

Ummm... yeah, I don't think I want to.

Rapids moved back to the apartment, and we also got a new flatmate. Say hi to Alucard! He's a funny guy and we get along great. I've also actually spent some time with Rapids, and turns out he's a really swell guy too. I don't think I could've got better flatties if I'd got to hand-pick them myself.

On the minus side, the workload at school will be swamping me this autumn once again. I already have something like four different projects going on, and I'm trying to hold a job as a clerk in addition to schoolwork. I've also picked up two bad habits I really didn't see myself doing: Drinking and smoking.

Yeah, I drink alcohol now. I'm not proud of it or anything, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it either. I don't drink in excess, and I've found it does wonderful in loosening me up. I'll keep it in moderation. The smoking is much worse. I am a bit ashamed about it. Q, Kotihiiri, Lily, Meta, Ray... anyone who happens to stumble over this, I know what you think and what you would say. Don't bother. I'll probably quit sometime later this semester, when I feel like it. Right now, I don't, which means anything you'd say would just annoy me. So don't bother.

Oh, and while hanging out with exchange students I found out what Arnold Schwartzenegger's surname really means! It's Schwartzen egger, Black etch.

And, I finally found the tattoo I want.
(For those of you that don't know, pictured is the  evolution line of the original Ghost-type Pokémon.)

I Suck At Relationships

 
I just wrote a post, so I'll try to keep this one brief.
Day before yesterday, Q and I went to her parents' place to pick strawberries. Afterwards, we sat on their back porch and talked about our relationship and the problems concerning it.

I am happy to inform y'all that we worked everything out. We agreed to try to get this relationship work, because we know we can.

Don't believe a word of what you read in the last paragraph, it was all a lie. In truth, she took care of most of the talking business, while I focused on the listening part. It turns out, she does not love me like she thinks she should if we are to have a romantic relationship. However, she hopes we could still be friends, since she still does love me as a friend, and values me highly, and... you know the drill.

I can't help but feel like that's a bit selfish. "Hey, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. But you could still give me what I want! That's better than nothing, right?"

Sorry if I sound bitter. No, wait, no I'm not. Right now my life holds no meaning and I have no real reason to continue it. However, and I know this may become as a disappointment to some people, I am not going to "do something" to myself.

That's all I got right now. Well, that, and slowly growing feeling, that I will never get into another relationship. Them ending hurts too bad.

Complaining About Stuff I Don't Like

I have been neglecting this blog, I feel. Sorry about that, I just haven't been feeling the inspiration. ("It's not like anyone really reads this or cares about it", y'know, that kind of stuff.) There has been some stuff I could've written about, but I'm worried that if I write while I'm uninterested, I come across as uninteresting.

So, yeah. Today's post is going to follow the general direction this blog has taken: I am going to complain about the stuff I don't like. There are a few items that I've recently been annoyed at, listed in no particular order.

First off, mothers cycling with their kids. I carefully worded that sentence, in order to give you a wrong impression. Y'see, I have nothing against families, and it is great to see parents spending time with their kids. However, I got a new summer job. It's a half-an-hour bicycle ride away from my apartment. Today, when I came "home" from work, I passed two mothers cycling with their kids. (That's two separate occasions, in case you're wondering.) They all handled their bikes alright, and did not pose me any unnecessary hardships. The kids were even wearing helmets!

You see, where I'm going, don't you? The point is, that the kids were wearing the helmets. Their parents had bought them them (not a typo), and their mother had most likely (in a loving, motherly fashion ["... or else."]) reminded them to put them on. So where, oh, where, were the mothers' helmets! You've got kids, lady. What are you trying to teach them? "You need to use the helmets. I don't, because I'm an adult, and adults don't get into accidents"?

If you see yours looking like this, it saved your life.

I was going to make a finely crafted segue here, but I got carried away, so I missed the opportunity. However, in an earlier paragraph, I mentioned having a new summer job. I am a clerk at a groceries shop. I don't like it. Y'see, just the other day, I was filling shelves, when a customer bumped me a bit in order to reach the spaghetti. I, of course, moved in order to not be in the way. This lead into a shocking realization: My work is worth less to the company than a 1€ package of spaghetti. Y'see, of course there needs to be someone filling the shelves. But if it wasn't me, it would be Kassu, Hellu, Jakke, Robba, or any other of my coworkers with five-letter nickname. Or a trained chimpanzee. And the end result would be no different.

This is what ruined working at a grocery store for me. Avoid it.

Third, and so far the last item is relationship problems. A faithful reader may have noticed my blog post a while ago about breaking up with (well, being dumped by) my girlfriend? Well, I picked myself up (I was helped in doing so) and, would you look at that, just happened to get in a new relationship! (Don't judge me! There are a precious few things in this world I take seriously, and relationships is one of them. So it's not a rebound or whatever you want to call it.) I love her, and it's great. Or used to be.

I've wanted to use this picture from the moment I saw it.

 To save y'all from boring details, turns out she has some stuff she has to sort out before she can truly commit to this relationship. And she needs time to do so.
And I'm trying to give her the time. I want to give her the time. But there is no guarantee that after she does work it out, she even wants this relationship. And this waiting and uncertainty is just tearing me apart inside.
 And that sucks.

Top Ten Things I Dislike

This one has been brewing for a while now. So, anyone who knows anything about me, knows I like lists. Lately, I have been watching That Guy With The Glasses, and there are a lot of highly entertaining top 10- (or, in case of Nostalgia Critic, top 11-) lists. In a similar vein, counting down from ten, this is the top ten list of things I don't like!

10. Potatoes

Yeah, yeah, I know. Just stay with me, ok?
I grew up eating potatoes. In my early childhood, before I started school, my mother was at home, and made us two warm meals a day. Thank you for that, mom! However, any given day, at least one of those meals would include boiled potatoes. I think that when I was a small kid, we were not too well off. We weren't poor, that much is certain (we did get three meals a day) but I do think there has been some penny-pinching going on. Around here, potatoes are the cheapest food you can find in a shop. It is further emphasised by the empirical studies suggesting that a person habitually eats more rice or pasta than potatoes, given a choice.

So, there is a reason I have eaten so many potatoes during my short life. Even so, it has lead to the situation where I don't voluntarily eat a potato if it is avoidable. Mashed potatoes, french fries and chips are somewhat exceptions, in that they do not wake such disgust boiled potatoes do.

That's right, you disgust me.

9. Everyday chores

Don't worry, this one does not stem from my sad and pathetic childhood. You see, I moved away from home in the beginning of January 2012, and moved in with two jackasses I thought were decent people. So, we being three single young males, our housekeeping was less than exemplary. So, one day in February, when I was doing two weeks worth of laundry, a sudden, enlightening thought popped into my head: Save an unlikely scenario where I'm wealthy enough to hire a servant for the job, I will be doing laundry for the rest of my life! This thought has since then escalated somewhat. It has led to a situation where I at times have terrifying moments of clarity, in which I can feel every second I spend doing mundane, everyday tasks. Those seconds, of which I will more likely than not have precious few of, are lost forever! I usually try to avoid following that train of thought, because it is likely to lead into a realization, that however hard I try, I will be spending my life in mediocrity. And fatalism doesn't suit me.

You know what I'm talking about, don't you?

8. Posers

You knew this one was coming, didn't you?
You see, I really do believe that apart from a few jackasses world would be better place to live without, people be awesome! And it seems to me, that most of these awesome, fan-TASTIC people spend their lives pretending to be someone else. And I simply can't wrap my head around it. Why are you doing it? Stop it, it makes my brain hurt!

And that job is already taken.

7. Overly serious people

Back to the memory lane! I have a brother I call Manta Ray.

What up, Bubba!

I love him like the brother he is. You see, the great thing about siblings is, that once you have spent the whole time you've been growing up fighting with someone, you can count on them to always have your back.
Anyway, when we were growing up, my brother was a bit... unstable. Nothing major, it was just that you could never be sure of what mood he was in. One day, we could have great fun harassing the living hell out of each other, the next he would fly into homicidal rage for one well-aimed snowball to the back of the head. He's got a lot better since then, especially recently, thanks to his gf. Mannu, by the off chance you end up reading this, you should know you are the best thing that has ever happened to him.

So anyway, I think that is where my deep, profound dislike for people who can't take a joke stems from. Of course, it could also be the fact I like to crack jokes just about anything, but where's the wacky fun psychological trauma in that explanation? Nowhere, I tell you!

6. My father

Again, if you know anything about me, you probably know already I don't get along with my father. I don't think it's necessarily my fault. I have tried. Oh my word, how I have tried. Many of the attributes of the lovable mess of issues that is me can be more or less directly pinpointed to my old man.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate him. I have tried, but for some reason... I just can't. For all his failings, he's still my father, and even if I would gather all the dislike I have accumulated for him over the years, I just can't bring myself to hate him. Some days, I don't even want to. Then I get in touch with him, and suddenly I would just love to hate him. From what I'm picking up, he's having similar difficulties. Who knows, maybe we one day sit down and discuss it like grown-ups. Slim chance, but one can always hope.

Y'know, Drake, I haven't given you much credit, but I think you may be onto something here.

I know what you're thinking: "But Reno, man, your old man played a major part in you being born. Surely someone responsible for existence of such a stellar example of humanity can't be that bad?" And you know, you may be right. Which brings us to the next item on the list.

5. Myself

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I don't like me. I'm not sure how much of myself I am willing to explain to the Internets, but trust me when I tell you I have reasons for it. If you've met me in real life, you may have heard me launch into one of my "It's hard to be modest when you're this damn good!"-rants. If you know me well, you've heard this already, but... It's an act. It has always been an act.

Story time! I'm twenty-three years old. One of the precious few things I take seriously is romantic relationships. Combined with my less-than-average looks and upbringing in a religious society that considers romantic relationships outside said society a sin, this has led into me having had two girlfriends to date. From what I understand, that's not much. Well, I screwed up with the first one, and she broke up with me. I would explain in more detail, but I would have to explain stuff about her I have no right to tell. Sorry.

The catch here is, I have never forgiven myself screwing it up. And in the theme, when I started courting my second girlfriend, I told her about the first one, in as little detail as I could. According to her, this was one of the contributing factors behind her breaking up with me. So, in a gross oversimplification, I could say I screwed up my second relationship by screwing up the first one. And you know what? I think I deserved it.

A-hem and back to the subject. This item was originally way higher on the list, but I had to take it down a couple of notches. You see, I made a terrifying, groundbreaking discovery just this week. All those "I be awesome"-speeches I have been making? I am starting to believe them!

My full name is Reno Insecure Hex, but my handwriting is so big I couldn't fit all of it there.

4. Money

 That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I don't like money! Don't look me like that, twenty-euro-bill,you know I only told you I did because I wanted to get you into my wallet. The idea of money, and the fact that it's so freaking all-important, I can't stand. Sure, the concept of money does simplify things. I just absolutely loathe having to think of money. One of my dreams is having it, in fact. Having enough of it, so that I would not have to spend my precious time and energy of thinking of it. Do I have it, how much of it do I have, do I need more of it, can I have some more of it somehow... and so on.

I hate you.

3. Ignorant people

Another shocker coming up: I don't know everything about everything. I don't even know something about everything. And it's okay, if you don't, either. What's not okay, however, is the attitude certain people I know have. The attitude brings me to the verge of angrily verbally lashing out at them. It can be summarized in a sentence: "What do I need that knowledge for?"

(Let's add an extra section break here. Makes it easier for dem eyes.) As you may know, I like knowing things, because most things are worth knowing. (It's also useful to know stuff, but that's not as important.) If you don't want to find out, learn and know stuff, you're abusing the vast learning abilities you got when you were born as a human being. I could go on at length about these people, but I have already written a whole post about them, so go read (reread, I hope) it if you want to know more about the subject.

2. Bigots

I think I'll explain what I mean by a bigot before I fire off. A bigot is an intolerant person, who's dedicated to a cause and fails (or doesn't even try to) understand the viewpoints of opposing party. Talking with a bigot leaves one a powerless tearing-my-hair-out feeling of "Gahhh, how stubborn/stupid can a human being be!"

In case you still don't know, I grew up in a very religious environment. You'd think that's an ideal soil for bigotry, and the fact is I did met quite a few religious bigots. However, since I broke away from the "sect" I have met quite a few anti-religious bigots, which has been quite a shocker. Y'see, while religious bigots are intolerant, obnoxious, irritating and bad listeners, at least they stand up for something they believe in. These anti-religious people possess the very same qualities that make their religious counterparts so incredibly annoying, but they seem to have dedicated themselves to a cause of solely bashing something, aka they are against the something others believe in. Which makes them even more annoying.

1. Feeling miserable 

It's not this bad. But it has been.

This summer has more or less, well, sucked. My awesome summer job turned up to be squat, as a result I've been out of money, and I got dumped after a month or so of cold shoulder treatment. The things are looking up right now (in fact I actually am happy most of the time, which is way more than you can usually say about me), but I'd say I have had reasons to feel miserable.

However (gee, I wonder how much I actually use that word? Interesting.), it got old a long time ago. (Mind you, with my attention span, two days is a long time.) I was actually quite desperate for something to cheer me up and stop me feeling so freaking miserable all the time. Faking it worked to an extent, sure. Y'see, the key to any successful lie is that when you're telling it, you make it real to yourself. Believe in it, so to say. I don't recommend keeping it up, by the way! You tell enough good lies and you may actually start forgetting which part is true.

However, lying to myself was a)pointless and b)too difficult, so I started feeling miserable every time I was alone. It resulted to me starting to dislike the company of a person I care the most of!

You're right, Drake. You know, this guy's definitely smarter than I give him credit for.

So, yeah. The top item in my top then things I dislike -list: Feeling miserable.

Thank you for getting this far, hope you enjoyed it!

Humorism is a way of life

I got inspired to writing this rant, because Kotihiiri (an old (almost a year older than me!) friend) praised my blog in Facebook. (She said it was useful, since it ensures she reads something in English every now and then ^^)

This rant was originally a speech I had to write for a University course. The topic was free, as long as it was something I deemed important and interesting. Unsurprisingly, I chose humor. For your delight, here goes:

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! My topic today is humor, and I'm not kidding. You see, the funny thing about humor is that even though almost everyone is in contact with some kind of humor on daily basis, people rarely sacrifice as much as a thought to it. So, what I'm trying to do here is broaden your horizons just a little bit.

Humor is an interesting phenomenon. You see, people can be roughly divided to four different categories: there are the people who simply don't have no sense of humor whatsoever; 

the casual jokers, from here on referred to as 'jokers'; 

people who regard humor as a way of life, so called 'humorists'; 

 and there are also people who have made humor a serious business: the 'comedians'.

I can see you look confused. Or bored, I don't know. Let's have a closer look, shan't we?

First off, the non-humorists. These people are scary. Can any one of you imagine what life would be like if you couldn't lighten it up every now and then with a little joke? These people know it. They regard jokers with ill-concealed contempt, and they can barely tolerate humorists, because they believe the humorists are secretly laughing at them. 

They are usually right. Exhibit A, straight from the internets:

Under this post, someone launched into a tirade about how people like the creator of the caption destroy English language, completely missing the joke. This being the Internet, it resulted into people making fun of the tirader, using gradually worsening grammar and spelling.

Non-humorists also mostly despise the comedians, who they see as leeches, making their money from a source that should be free. That, and they don't really get the joke. The non-humorists often avoid all kinds of parties and other such happenings like the plague. I'm not saying they would be invited all too often, mind you. Other optional names for them include, but are not limited to, 'buzzkill', 'party-pooper' and 'up-tight s.o.b.'

What about casual jokers, then? Well, the vast majority of people falls under this category. They enjoy a joke every now and then as a method of relaxation, like a glass of fine wine. Sadly, not all joker-made jokes are that fine. Most of derogatory or vulgar jokes are created by jokers. 

Since I am such a delightfully wonderful human being, I brought you an example! Behold, exhibit B.

 What's funnier than a dead baby?

-A dead baby in a clown suit.

I could go on about dead baby comedy a lot, but I'll spare you. It's usually quite offensive to many, and not that funny anyway.

Jokers usually get along with both humorists and non-humorists, even though they often see the first as shallow and the latter as uptight.

Next group, humorists. You all have met humorists, I am sure. It is easy to recognize a humorist. There seems to be a perpetual half-smile, or at least a, well, humorous twinkle in the corner of their eye, as if they were laughing at a joke no-one else quite gets. And, they usually are. Despite their apparent shallowness, humorism is their religion or life philosophy, and they really don't take it lightly. It comes from a deep realization, or 'enlightenment', such as 'Life is a joke. You are either part of the audience, or you're part of the joke', 'You have to be a bit insane to avoid going crazy', or 'This world went to hell a long, long time ago. There's nothing I can do for it, so just enjoy the ride.'

The humorists usually get along with most of people, since people are so amusing. They are, as I mentioned earlier, often seen as shallow, right until the moment they give a shockingly deep, insightful and humorous comment on the matter at hand. The situations where a humorist is intentionally rude or insulting are few and far between. However, they end up insulting, sometimes even hurting people because the target audience misses the point of a joke. 

An example, consider it, if you may, exhibit C. For instance, a humorist may ask someone 'who died and made you the boss?' when someone tells him or her to do something at a funeral. It is, however, pointless to get mad at a humorist. After all, if you're not the one laughing, the joke's probably on you.

This reminds me of a funny story a kobold bard told me the other day!

  Once upon a time, there was a king.

The king ruled over a small kingdom he had inherited from his father.

The king was not a particularly bad ruler, considering.

However, one of the dukedoms his late father had conquered, started to plot against him, in order to liberate themselves from his kingdom.

The king naturally had spies in the rebellious duke's castle, and so he soon found out about their plans. And he had the duke brought to him to be questioned.

Naturally, the duke denied all knowledge.

So the king, sighing heavily, summoned the royal torturer, and told him to cut the duke's toes off.

After the torturer has done as told, the king started to question the duke again.

And again, the duke told the king he did not know what he was talking about.

So the torturer cut the duke's fingers off.

And again the king asked the duke about the rebellion planned.

And again the duke told him he knew naught about it.

So the torturer cut away his ears (Nothing), removed his nose (I know nothing), and gouged out his eyes (I do not know what you are talking about, your highness).

Amazed and taken by the duke's courage, the king told the torturer to end the duke's suffering.

The torturer picked up his wide, heavy axe, lifted it high, aimed and swung towards the duke's neck. 

Yet, right as he started the swing, the count screamed "No! Wait! I'll talk!"

Of course, by then it was too late, and the torturer took his head clean off. 

Moral of the story: Don't kill your count before he chickens.

And last but definitely not the least, the comedians. These people, as I said before, have made humor a serious business. They are stand-up comedians, politicians, actors, directors and whatnot.

Contrary to the popular belief, not all comedians are humorists, just as not all humorists are comedians. Following the path of humorism definitely helps, however, if you're trying to make a living by amusing the audience.

That's all folks. In case you deem the whole topic uninteresting and irrelevant, please, try to at least remember this last sentence, which pretty much sums the whole topic up: Humor is a funny thing.

As always, if you have something to say about the subject, didn't understand something, or want to tell me how utterly wrong I am, please leave me a comment!

About Stupid People

It hasn't got anything to do with the subject, I just relate to it.

Yeah, I promised to post this rant a week ago, I know. I just haven't been on the mood. (It's not like anyone reads these anyway.)

So, yeah, as promised, I'll talk a bit about stupid people. This may come as a surprise to a lot of people that know me, but I don't hate stupid people. I don't even vaguely dislike stupid people.

You see, stupidity, as I understand it, is not something you choose. Kinda like left- or righthandedness, or sexual orientation, you come pre-equipped with certain amount of mental capabilities. So, people who possess less brain power than you (or in my case, I) do, can not help it. Nothing there to hate. Another thing it has in common with handedness and sexuality is that it is not something to mock people for.

Nor should the stupid people be pitied. In my opinion, if you ever come across a person you perceive as more stupid than yourself, you should take a bit of responsibility of teaching them (yes, I'm using singular 'they' as a gender-neutral pronoun. Sue me.) stuff. You know, broadening their horizons. It can be very frustrating at times, but when you see their face light up with a realization and hear those four little words ("I get it now") it is oh, so rewarding!

So, yeah. I don't hate on stupid people. What I do hate, however, is people who are not stupid, but act like they are. I guess I call those people 'ignorant'. It's a handy word. It stands for someone who doesn't know (something or anything about a subject), yet it contains just a hint of ignoring (the subject). These people do possess the ability to know and to understand, yet for some reason or other, they choose not to.

Since I don't want to be one of those people, I've tried - really tried - to understand these people, but to no avail. It might just be my curious, inquisitive nature, but I just can't wrap my head around the concept of a person not wanting to understand something they (often quite easily) could. Similarly unfathomable is the possibility of not wanting to learn or to know about stuff.

In case someone I know IRL happens to read this blog: yes, I have quite recently learned I don't need to know everything. That does not change the fact I want to know everything!

Filler post

So yeah, my last post was about a week ago and concerned school and the sucky teacher. I really haven't been in the mood to post since then. But now I remembered that I have readers (all 4 of them) and I have obligations towards them, so I grabbed myself by the neck and decided to force a blog post out of myself.

So, since I don't have anything specific to rant about today, I'll be talking about life a bit.
Life's good. School's out since last Friday, and I got a translation gig as a summer job from an acquintance. With the wage he's paying, it threatened to be really a paying one! Well, I soon found out the truth is not that rosy. There are only ten documents to translate in total, and they are WAY shorter than I'd like. So basically the job will be enough to pay the bills during summer and maybe buy a vacuum cleaner and a microwave oven (two things I desperately need) but not much of a buffer for winter.

Oh, about the microwave: My flatmate moved out. I thought he was only going for summer, but judging by the subtle signs (him packing everything he had here, his microwave included; him returning his keys to the landlord; his name having been removed from the door) he actually left for good. While I miss the microwave, it's great to have the apartment all for myself. I just hope my next  flattie(/s; there are two free rooms now) won't be worse.

Come to think of it, he was pretty much an ideal flatmate. Didn't spend much time in the apartment, never brought anyone over, hardly ever listened to music, and left my stuff alone. Bye bye, Rapids (that's his pseudonym; the people who know him, may know why)!

Lily's (in case there still is a stray reader who doesn't know, she's my gf) moved away from town for summer (she got a summer job). I'm counting days till she comes to visit the town again (5 and half, including today).

I'll get back at you with a rant about stupid people later this week. I promise.

I also decided to try to make this blog a bit more reader-friendly by adding pictures. I don't have much yet, but here's a motivational text. The picture (and most likely the pictures to come) is from weheartit.com.

You either take the feedback, or you drop it.

Dear teacher,

I hardly ever bother with hate. Mostly I feel it's waste of time and energy that could be used better by directing it to liking, maybe even loving, important people. The people I don't like usually receive indifference or mild dislike.

It is quite evident that you love the subjects you teach. Your enthusiasm shows in the way you speak in class. It also shows in the way you deem anything not concerning you or your subjects "unimportant".

I think you are incompetent. The way you handle your lectures turns the students away. You cannot take criticism. You are completely unable to look at anything from any other viewpoint than your own (I think it's called "empathy"). Your methods, general conduct and favoritism are unprofessional. The last straw was the way you decided to give me individual feedback today in front of class. It was humiliating, and I took it as a personal insult.

I hardly ever hate people, and I thought I could never bring myself to hoping a death of another human being. You proved me I'm a worse person than I thought. Congratulations.

I hate you, and I hope you'll die soon.

Bitch.

-Reno

Not Always Studying

Yeah, nothing new to rant about lately. Except school. School sucks.
To make it less sucky, I've found several websites I can spend my school hours in. Because I am such a swell guy, I decided to share them with y'all. No need to thank me!

Let's see...

Kuvaton.com
They add funny and/or unusual pictures daily or almost daily. Many of the jokes are only understandable for Finns.

Feissarimokat
Facebook Fails in Finnish.

Cheezburger / Memebase websites:
Very Demotivational
For your daily (de)motivational poster needs, Very Demotivational is the place to go. The continuous onslaught of memetic posters ensures that every now and then a real gem will emerge.

Comixed
Comixed is like Very Demotivational, except that it contains (usually) four-frame comics instead. Try it out, you know you want to. (According to a few memebasers, this is where memes go to die. So go give them a funeral they deserve.)

Failbook
All your Facebook fails, gathered under one domain. Twitter and Google+ also make recurring appearances. Warning! May cause severe facepalming.

Pokememes
Pokemon memes, nuff said. Any original joke about Pokémon will be beaten to death and beyond here. Beware of the gen wars. It has been going on since forever and it Will. Not. Stop.

Not Always websites:
Not Always Right
Not Always Right is the place where customer servants vent off about their annoying and idiotic customers.

Not Always Working
For all your funny and stupid employee/coworker stories, Not Always Working is the place to go to.

Not Always Related
Don't let the name fool you, stories in Not Always Related are always, heh, related to, another heh, relatives. Think your family is crazy? Check it out, you're not alone!

Not Always Romantic
You guessed it, this website contains all your more or less romantic funnies. You'll love it, trust me.

Blogger
Yep, I update my blog at school. Hey, it's not like I'm missing out on anything important, exception being my gf's Tumblr feed. You can follow her here, if you're into Tumblr. She follows funny people and has a great sense of humor.

Webcomics:
Least I Could Do
Wacky antics of psychotic manchild Rayne Summers and his friends. The jokes are funny and art is good, at least since Lar DeSouza started drawing it.

The Gutters
Comic-sized approach to the newest news in comic industry. Often right on the spot. Various artists.

Looking For Group
Fantasy webcomic loosely based on World of Warcraft, or so I hear. Has been progressing slower lately, but the archives are a thrill. "I'm afraid your position as my closest and dearest companion has just been replaced by the fellow who just leap-tackled a dragon."

Ctrl+Art+Del
A nerd webcomic, has been running for years now. Most of the jokes only appeal for nerds, which you probably are, if you got this far on the list. Give it a shot!

And, last but not least, Penny&Aggie and its spin-off, QUILTBAG
A humorous, insightful take on teenagers, high school, college and sexual minorities. If you give them a chance, be sure to check out the forum. It is an oddity; a nice place in the internets. Quite refreshing, actually.

So yeah, quite a lot to do at school. All in all, it's not my fault I can't study. Blame the Internets!

Nice, Kind and Friendly

This one has been brewing for a while. It all started one leisure afternoon when I was chatting with my girlfriend. For some reason or another, I told her she's not a nice person. She'll never let me forget it.
So anyway, I do think nice is a different thing from kind and friendly. Those of you who are already aware of Nice Guy Syndrome will probably find nothing new here. Those of you who aren't, please google it. It's quite enlightening.

Where was I? Oh, being nice. See, there's the thing. The Nice People (tm) are, in fact, not really nice. They are being nice. Acting nice, if you will. They are acting in a certain (nice) way in order to gain some kind of a payoff, usually some kind of influence over the people they are Acting Nice towards.

Don't worry, this will start making sense in a moment.

The next group is the Kind People. Now, how do you tell a Kind Person from a Nice Person? Usually, you don't. The way they behave is (at least publicly) really similar. The difference, however, lies in their motives. Where Nice People seek power over the people around them, Kind People do Kind Stuff because it's a Right Thing To Do.

I'm having way too much fun Capitalizing Things.

And the last group, the Friendly People. They are really similar with the two other groups, but whereas Nice People aim for Payoff, and Kind People try to do Right Thing, Friendly People treat other people in Friendly Way... for no reason they could explain. Maybe that's the way they were brought up, maybe they just are genuinely good people without any specific reason.

There are very few Friendly People, and it's very difficult to become a Friendly Person. The Kind People are a bit less uncommon. It's great to be a Kind Person (or so I hear). If you can be a Kind Person, please do. Nice People, however, are seemingly dime a dozen, if anyone ever wanted to buy them on a bulk discount.

How do you spot a Nice Person, then? Almost everyone has met one, at some point or another. Some giveaways are that when you need something from them, they will make sure you know they are making you a favor. Expect to hear phrases such as "You owe me one", or "You'll pay me back some day." And when they need you to do them a favor, they will remember the favor you did to them, and they will bring it up.

If you are lucky enough not to owe them a favor, you may hear them complain about an acquintance they did a favor, and who didn't do anything for them in return. This is a warning sign.

Mind you, I am not saying you should ditch a friend if they prove to be a Nice Person. Just keep an eye on them, and if they prove to be one, give careful consideration to whether you need a friend like that.

Fat Kid Issues

The WrestleMania-trip is safely behind us. I figured I won't delete this blog, but rather finally start to write down the random ravings that cross my mind every day, in hopes they could amuse my (possible, future) readers as much as they amused me.

This first one is actually not written by me, but a forumite I know as Captain LeBubbles. It does, however, portray me, and apparently many others, quite well. Thank you, Captain.

"What are you laughing at?"

Try to keep your voice calm, add a curious note. Leave out the accusation, don't get their defenses up. Let your voice tell them you just want to share the joke. It's not about you, it's not about you. You're not making it about you, you just want to share the joke.

"Don't worry 'bout it."
"Oh."

Casual disappointment. Put it in your voice, show them that you don't get to hear the joke but it's not the end of the world, you don't care. Don't let them see how you really feel. Stop making it about you. It's not about you. They're not laughing at you.

They are laughing at you. Don't let them fool you, they are. You're just here for their amusement anyway. Why are you so bothered? At least they noticed you. As long as they're laughing at you, you're not invisible. You should be glad.

"Okay then."
*laughter*

Stop laughing at me.
why are they laughing at me?
Because you're just a joke to them.
i didn't ask for this
It doesn't matter.
please just stop
just stop
stop laughing
It doesn't go away. It never goes away. The voice just gets quieter, is all. Easier to ignore. But it's always there, whispering. They all hate you and if they say otherwise they're just humoring you. Laughing at you. Over and over, every day. People make it easier to silence. If someone tells you they love you enough, you'll start to believe it. But it doesn't go away.

Tired and frustrated

Yeah, I missed yesterday’s blog post. I’m really, really sorry about that. I’ll try to make this one a double post, if that’s okay? Good? Good.

So yeah, yesterday was our last wrestling-themed day. I’ll try not to go into any detail about it, but… it was awesome. I mean, WrestleMania was great, but the Monday Night RAW after that (it’s a weekly show, WrestleMania is once a year)… Jeez. Plain, pure awesomeness from beginning to end. “The Great One” The Rock announced he will indeed stay and start to chase the WWE Championship. Cm Punk’s and Chris Jericho’s feud grows deeper and deeper.
And the biggest mark-out moment of the decade, the return of Brock Lesnar! Google it!

So after RAW, we left to find something to eat, and have a couple of drinks. Anywhere we went, we heard the same “Yes! Yes! Yes!” chant. In the club, at the mall, from a passing taxi, back at the hotel… The sense of unity was overwhelming. Simply wonderful feeling.

And onwards to present day we move. Morning started with packing of bags and moving from the Hyatt Regency Hotel back to Miami Hostel for two more nights. When we were waiting with our bags at Miami Hostel (we couldn’t check in before 3pm), I was getting more and more annoyed, since I had not eaten anything during the day. Luckily we left to Subway before I started to really get frustrated. (Yes, I get grumpy when I’m hungry.)

Other than that, and thumb-sized blisters in the soles of my feet, the day was yet again awesome. We went to Miami Beach again, and I don’t think anyone of us succeeded in actually getting badly burnt this time. I’ve found a surprising characteristic in myself: I like lying on a beach O_o’

After that, we went back to hostel. Others paid a visit in a liquor store next door, and apparently found all kinds of interesting stuff. After an hour or so of drink-induced wrestling moves they finally left for a nightclub. Miraculously, they succeeded in getting in past the bouncer despite their drunken stupor. (I don’t really look down on drinkers, nothing wrong in that. It’s a joke.)

So now we’re sitting in the “lobby” of the hostel with YP. He’s under 21 and can’t get into a nightclub. He’s beating me at pool consecutively. Not fun.

Hum, apparently I’m more tired than I thought. Can’t really get into the flow of writing.
Also, I kinda feel like this trip is a couple of days too long, and I’m homesick.

More tomorrow.

My life is complete

Warning: This blog post contains lots of wrestling and spoils the results of WrestleMania XVIII.

There are a few non-wrestling notes in the end, though.

 Yeah, we were there. What should I say? It was epic, a dream come true, once in a lifetime opportunity. I’m not going to do a blow-by-blow, but let’s take a look at the matches briefly, shall we? (I wonder why I keep making rhetoric questions like that. It’s not like you could tell me “no, we shall not”, or that I would listen if you somehow did. Weird, isn’t it?

… Sorry.)

So yeah, the matches. The first one was a dark match (that means it was shown before the actual WrestleMania show began, and it was not televised), triple threat tag team match for Tag Team Championship. The current champions Epico and Primo accompanied by Rosa Mendez (damn, Tirkka, you really should see her live!) versus Jimmy and Jey Uso (they are Samoans, and their surname means “brothers”. They are twins.) versus my personal favorite Justin Gabriel and Tyson Kidd. Yeah, the last one seems pretty random, but think of the amount of high-flying, high-risk, high-entertainment combos it could provide if they let it live!

So yeah, it was quite short and action-packed and in the end Epico and Primo regained the championship. Hey, it was a dark match, what were you expecting? It’s not like tag team belts would change hands in a house show or something!

Then came the time for the actual opener of the show. As has been a habit for WWE, the Royal Rumble winner gets to start WrestleMania: Daniel Bryan ( c ) versus Sheamus for World Heavyweight Championship. We had earlier decided to give Sheamus a “Lobsterhead” chant (he’s a ginger and his entrance theme sounds a bit like [the actual lyrics on the right]
It’s a shame to have a lobsterhead           / It’s a shame, for they lost their head
a careless man may be too well fed           / A careless man may wind up dead
You’re way too thin like some other guys / You wear your sin like it’s some kind of prize
Too many limes, too many limes            / Too many lies, too many lies
But we couldn’t. Why? Because:
*Gong declares the match started*
*Daniel Bryan getting a kiss from his girlfriend*
*Sheamus surprising dazed Bryan with a Brogue Kick out of nowhere*
*Sheamus pinning Bryan’s shoulders to the mat*
*Referee counts to three*
*Gong declares the match ended*
*Sheamus is the new World Heavyweight Champion*

The whole thing took less than ten seconds. At first, the people popped (cheered) for the winner, but it got quite soon changed into booing. Now, the funny thing is Sheamus is a smiling, wacky face (a good guy) and Bryan is a self-absorbed heel (bad guy) who verbally abuses his girlfriend. But his in-ring (wrestling) abilities are so good and his “Yes! Yes! Yes!” (ad nauseam) chant is so over-the-top and amusing, people tend to like him more than washed-out, colorless (no pun intended) (Google it) Sheamus.

So yeah, I liked it a lot. It had this definite “WTF” factor, and it gives endless possibilities for storytelling. Of course I would have liked to see Daniel Bryan have an actual wrestling match, but as later was proved, they could hardly have had enough time for that.

On to the next match. (There was an angle for a later match in between, but it’s fairly unimportant.) Kane versus Randy Orton, nothing but personal hatred at stake.

Now, neither one of these men are known for their wrestling abilities. Due to this, I was quite shocked to find out the match was actually great! The ending was a huge surprise. I don't think anyone in my immediate vicinity was expecting Kane to win, much less that he'd win cleanly.

And more shockers! Seven-foot giant, old man who's never won in WrestleMania, a veteran who nowadays prefers to aid younger, rising stars to the top, Big Show, beat Cody Rhodes for Intercontinental Championship! Completely unexpected, but great and interesting turn of events.

Then was the most uninteresting match of the night. Kelly Kelly (Sidetrack! She looks so plastic, Barbie is jealous. Her real name is Barbara Blanks. Barbara. Blanks.) and Maria Menounos (she's an American pseudo-celebrity from Dancing With Stars. Her main job seems to be to look good.) versus "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix and Eve Torres. The face team won, whoop-de-doo.

Then one of the three most expected matches of the night. The Undertaker, whose winning streak in WrestleMania is already 19 matches long, and Hunter Hearst Helmsley (Triple H) square off inside a steel cage called Hell in a Cell. The referee is HHH:s best friend Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels, who was forced to retire a few years back after he lost to Undertaker.

This match was awesome. Plain awesomeness. Both wrestlers' backs were black and blue because of chair shots. The referee, who was supposed to be impartial, kicked Undertaker to chin so that HHH could try to pin him, to no avail. And in the end, same referee had to count to three after a murderous beating ending with a Tombstone Piledriver. The streak stayed alive. 

The best part, however, was the aftermatch. HBK and Undertaker helped HHH up, and all three hobbled up the entrance ramp. There they stopped, turned around, faced the audience... and hugged. I'm not ashamed to admit I cried. The tagline for the match was "End of an Era", and that it truly was.

After this epic bout, the show still went on. The next match was a 5-on-5 tag team match, and the captain of the winning team would become the General Manager of both RAW and SmackDown. 

The audience was emotionally dead after the last match, myself included. I couldn't have given any chants anyway, my voice was (still is) gone. The match ended with Eve kicking her boyfriend (or "boyfriend", depending of who you ask) Zack Ryder in the nuts and the Miz pinning him. The "Hoski" chants Eve got from that were absolutely amazing! (You see, Zack is a fan favorite, loved by many. He calls people he likes "Broskis".)

Next match was the best actual wrestling match of the whole show. CM Punk versus Chris Jericho, WWE Championship (and the permission to call himself Best in the World) at the stake. 

This match was everything it was expected to be. Pure brilliance from start to finish, everything in moderation. Had it been in my power to do so, I would've made Jericho the winner, but I have absolutely nothing against the winner. CM Punk is quite possibly the best entertainer in the business, and his championship reign so far has been highly amusing. Plus, there are endless possibilities of how this could be continued.

And the main event. The epic, once in a lifetime opportunity that actually sold this ticket to me. The icon of Attitude Era, The Rock, against the current Face of the WWE, John Cena!

I've overused the word "epic" already. However, it's the only word that properly describes this. John Felix Anthony Cena lost in main event of WrestleMania cleanly! Last time he lost cleanly was, when, in 2008? Nothing but... epic.

Other noteworthy things about yesterday:
I had a burger and chips for breakfast. We found out that when Americans say "chips" they mean, like, chips! Not french fries, as we were expecting.


We met some lovely Alabaman ladies in the elevator back in the hotel. (I knew they were from Alabama, because I heard them talk before the 'Mania. To them I claimed I recognized the accent ^^ I think they bought it.)


We're back in Emily's again. If we would spend more time in this hotel, this would definitely become our regular place. I heartily recommend this to anyone going to Miami.


Kenitys also has a blog. He writes about same stuff as I do, except in Finnish, and is much better at it than I am. I'm ever so slightly jealous about it. The blog is here: http://kenitys.blogspot.com/